Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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