Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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