are you still at the devil's house?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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