3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
