Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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