If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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