I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize