I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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