Can i not drive my cunt home
Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
