too bad you live with your parents still
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
