You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
