...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
