It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
