you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
