we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
