I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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