yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
