man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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