Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize