i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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