talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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