can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
