I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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