so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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