Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
