id be glad to
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
