why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
