he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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