I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
