she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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