I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize