Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
