Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
