A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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