i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
