The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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