Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
