I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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