so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
