I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
