Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
