I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
