some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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