hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
