the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
