New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize