Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
