Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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