Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
