I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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