He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
