**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize