Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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