He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
