I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
