Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize