Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
