she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
