Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
