I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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