Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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