I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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