I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize