Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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