thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
