Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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