I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
