The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
True college students do jello shots in the library
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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